do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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