dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
