you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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