Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
are you so shy because you have an std?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
