She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
