I want to have your abortion
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
