My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
