Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
