I showed him my bush... on skype.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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