It's Friday. Sex?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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