I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Too much gin, very little bucket
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
