Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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