The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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