You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
