so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Text me some of your sweat
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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