My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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