She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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