You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
