im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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