There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
