I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize