They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
