Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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