What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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