i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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