so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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