I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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