my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
