Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
