I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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