He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Four minutes until I can fart!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
