buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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