I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
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I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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