You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
