four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
