u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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