he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
