there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
