i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
