i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
