my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
