Your mouth is God's brothel.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
