i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
