It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
