He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
