He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
