just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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