yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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