Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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