oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
