I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
