What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
