I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
