Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
