Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
