there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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