Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
