Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
