I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
