You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
