My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
