While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
