Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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