if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
