Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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