sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I checked into jail on foursquare
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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