My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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