..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
