she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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