ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
