OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
