have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
