I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
