I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As shirtless as possible
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
