I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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