The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
