ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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